Wednesday, September 5, 2007

I Have Returned!

Hey - Kela, The Near-Future Mrs. Moore, 17 Days til I marry the love of my life!

Things are going well - tonight I went out with my brides maid Lily and she got her dress! It looks great on her, and she loves it! It's quite cute actually I think I might borrow it sometime, that isn't wrong somehow right? LOL

So far everything is going well - the food and cake shinanigans has been all figured out and prepared for. My sister Nicki is doing my hair and make up... and my dress should be all ready and perfect for my Saturday apt. :D I'm getting my hair dyed on Friday to a deep rich brown. :D So excited! My favors are moving along - after an adventuresome start! Check out these photos:

I dyed the white bags my mom got Burgundy, Green and Brown... this was a burgundy batch!

Don't worry Ryan - was able to get it off - for a while there I seriously thought I had permanently ruined the counter top!

This is close to the final design - before dying:
Ok - well its late and I'm sleepy -but hope you enjoyed!

Thanks for listening,

Friday, August 10, 2007

The Kela and Ryan Story

I met Ryan in the most unlikely of places, well, unlikely - because we worked out.

The night before I met Ryan I went to a party with a few girls I didn't know that well, looking for a change of pace. I was always cautious and shy, never went to parties, unless I knew everyone there and even then... ha. I had been in one of my first serious relationships, and had my heart broken. This boy was my first kiss... I trusted him and I felt betrayed. After a month or so I decided to go for something more risky. I was invited to go to this party with a few girls, the party, had older more mature guys (I was 17 at the time). At this party some sleazy guy decided to take me under his wing, the girls I was with paired up with friends of his. One girl and I went to the party with hooked up with this guys best friend... so we headed back to their house to get to know eachother better. She went off into that guys room, and I found myself in a room with a man about mid-late 20's. I was naive... I will not lie. I wasn't sure what I was doing there. Soon I realized - he planned to have sex with me. "WOAH! - I don't think so!" I never kissed this guy or anything, luckily, but once I had told him I was a virgin and didn't plan on doing anything with him, he kicked me out of his room. I was disgusted, scared and alone. I don't entirely remember the rest of that night... I believe I eventually went and found my friend and she and I went home.

The next day she called and told me there was another party, this one was suppose to be better, it was an after party for this rave... and it should be awesome. I was feeling cold about life, about men in particular. I went to this party, planning on getting drunk and just rolling with it, not thinking about all my insecurities or the horribleness of the night before. We arrived at the party, and found guys more of our age bracket and it was a much less slimly vibe. Still I began to drink, I got pretty drunk. I remember the moment I met Ryan... I was standing in the kitchen...drunk... and this GORGEOUS tall, well dressed, blond hair, blue eyed guy was smiling at me from across the room. I actually turned around to see who he was looking at. When I turned back he had moved closer to me and we started to chat. I soon learned that his name was Ryan and that he too was a bit intoxicated. After a while a few of us moved into this back room, before Ryan and I knew what had happened, everyone else had left the room and we found ourselves alone. We talked a lot - and before I knew it I was laying on his chest and we seemed to connect right away - it felt comfortable. After a while things got a little heated, and we actually got a bit hot and heavy! No sex! But at one point we both realized that we were going too far and stopped and I informed him I was a virgin, and didn't want to have sex with him, he said he was too - I thought he was lying! "Sure buddy!" We kissed and had a good time until 6-7am! When my girlfriends found me, and pulled me out of the room, dropping my phone number in his lap. We had to get home!!!

If I remember correctly, Ryan called later that day or perhaps the following day, it was pretty quick. I was in full regret mode by then. I had gone too far with this guy who was likely a player and using me to try and have sex with a virgin. When he called, I told him point blank, that girl at the party, isn't me. Don't expect things like that from me again. He said he felt the same way and would like to take me out on a proper date. We planned for him to meet me after school on Monday afternoon. I purposely wore a sweater and was very conservative, and was on full guard! I could barely remember what he looked like... I was worried. As I slowly made my way to the front of the school, several girls came running up, screaming about how there was this amazingly hot guy outside looking for me. I was starting to be a little excited, but mostly still nervous. He was still quite beautiful - sober. :) I was floored. He and I walked to his car and drove to this gaming store. I didn't understand at the time why we were there... but I found out later. He sold a few of his favorite video games, so he had money to take me out for lunch. We went to Carl's Jr. :D In retrospect - it was really really sweet! Especially if you know Ryan, he is SUCH a video game nerd! It took him years to find those games again, apparently they were rare!

Then we went to my house and he was obviously interested in getting a little frisky. I was so rude... trying everything I could to be unattractive to him, still really believed he was lying just to get in my pants. He was quite charming though, so eventually I did kiss him and we kissed for a long while. This was late January 2001... we went to another party, not together but aware that the other would be there. He was sick and on crazy drugs, didn't remember me. I was totally offended. The next week when he showed up at my school, I called him a pervert and wouldn't talk to him. He stood in the rain as I drove away with friends.

Two weeks go by and I'm still calling him my boyfriend to my friends, but I haven't talked to him. I was having a very dysfunctional time in my life, I was really depressed. I decided I would have my mom check me into a mental hospital the next day. The night before I decided to have a farewell party with friends... I called and invited Ryan. He was obviously surprised. I got drunk... (I was a total alcoholic when I was younger) when I woke up my head was in Ryan's lap, he'd taken care of me all night. At that moment I decided to give this a chance, we planned to spend Valentines day together. A few days later, when I was fully smitten with him, he called, said he needed to talk to me. When he got there, he informed me that he was still in love with his ex and wanted but wanted to stay friends with me. I was devastated.

When Valentines Day came, I had decided that I was not going to take "just friends" as an option. We went out as friends, and I quickly began to flirt and play fun little games with him. Soon I had won him over! By the end of Valentines day we were making out, and officially together! It was tough, I was afraid he was only into me cause I was being such a flirt, and that his heart still belonged to the ex. I didn't know this for sure for a few years, but as it turns out, he was still in love with the ex, and was still very much considering staying with me until she returned. I didn't know this for many years... but we continued on anyway.

3 days later - we lost our virginities together! That and the way we met - alone to me say "not a good way for a relationship to start". We were at his mom and step dads house, and little did I know, but they were really upset to find me in the house in the morning, and we sat awkwardly around the kitchen table eating muffins. I was mortified! After that Ryan and I continued on with our relationship, happily... but soon his parents began to get really uncomfortable knowing we were sexually active in their home, since Ry was 18 and I was 17, they didn't want Ryan in trouble with the law. So Ryan moved into my parents house. Strangely enough my parents (especially my step-dad) were not really aware of our activities, even though they were aware and ok with Ryan moving into the house, sleeping in my room. HA HA!

I ended up graduating early, and when I turned 18 I took my social security check (from my deceased father) and moved out - my mom was so pissed. I got a job and thought Ryan and I would be fine together out on our own. Little did we know that we had moved into a problem home. Our landlord were very wealthy contractors from France, we lived in a studio under their mansion. Soon there was leaking and there began a legal battle. Luckily we never had to worry about going to court, but we had to move out, and it was pretty awful for a long while. We lived on Top Roman. We got two kittens, Clover (girl for Ryan) and Daray (boy for me), Clover even had a litter of kittens while we were there. They were still pretty tiny when we moved out.

In our 2nd apt we went through more problems, dealing with trouble roommates, and our first taste of feeling like we were missing out on being young, single and active. I began to loose interest in Ryan and began thinking about being with other men, one of which was Ryan's best friend. Ryan didn't seem to care, which only further caused me to reach out to others. Luckily I never did cheat on Ryan, but it came into my mind so much that I feel like I did. It's something I am just now forgiving myself fore. We made it through that time, and have grown stronger and more honest with each other. After another year we found a place we could live together, without roommates. Oh what a difference!

That was just over 3 years ago! We've settled into a nice little nitch, sure we have disagreements at times but have learned how to communicate them and how to love each other unconditionally. The doubts are gone, we know there isn't anyone else better for us. We suite each other. :)

In September 2006 Ryan and I went on our very first romantic getaway, to Pt. Reyes to a little cottage near the coast, with fireplace, hot tub, kitchen. He'd been a little suspicious for a few weeks, "Don't look at the bank account" (we share an account) and on the way to Pt. Reyes he stopped at a florist and picked up a huge box of fresh rose petals and I'd packed a nice picnic basket. We had planned to go to the coast one day and have a romantic picnic, I thought that there might be more to this trip then met the eye... but unfortunately I got sick the first day we were there. We ended up curled up on the couch the whole trip, Ryan taking care of me. I was sick for another week once we got back, turned out to be Mono. I SWEAR I DIDN'T KISS ANYONE ELSE! :D

In October Ryan and I planned a trip to a closer beach to finally have our romantic picnic. The date that finally worked was October 22nd 2006... which just happens to be my deceased fathers birthday. Ryan was worried, not being too sly he says "I don't think it's appropriate for us to go today..." and since I had a very big idea as to why he was saying that, I told him "That it was ok..." but he kept pushing that we should wait. I swore to him, it was OK! That it would be a great way to honor my dad. He eventually agreed. We went out, had an amazing picnic filled with laugher - had a crazy seagull - whom we named Henry (the engagement seagull). At this point Ryan must be well aware of how much I know of his plan, so he begins to mess with me. He'd get on his knee and say things like. "Kela.... would you like some champagne?" and I'd silently grumble and smile and say yes. After a few hours and all the food was gone, Ryan turns to me and asks if I'm ready to go home. He's grinning. I glare at him. "No..." he grins at me... "why not?" I didn't want to say anything, I wanted to have the nice romantic engagement and he was playing with me on purpose. After him grinning ear to ear and asking 10 times why I didn't want to leave... I finally blurted out something along the lines of "I know you are going to propose to me! Jerk!" and he's all smiley and so he starts to get down on his knee and I yell at him! "NOT NOW! - that isn't romantic, jerk!" I was so pissed! But you know... that is SO Ryan, he loves to poke at people, drive them to the brink of screaming at him... he loves it! He is sort of a punk ass... but he's a very charming punk ass! :D We walked around the beach, letting our feet graze the waves and just enjoyed the moment, trying to forget about his little stunt.

Eventually he slowly turned to me, got down on this knee and opened the box - upside down, the ring fell into the sand. He quickly picked it up and placed it back in its spot, and he looked up at me nervously and asked "Kela will you marry me?" I pushed him down in the sand and said no repeatedly - mostly because he was a punk ass... but I meant yes. I eventually said yes and we kissed an he placed the ring on my finger. Not the most ideal way for an engagement, but so very much Ryan and I. :D

Wedding is so soon! September 23, 2007, almost exactly 1 year from when we went to Pt. Reyes! After the wedding we are off to Hawaii - neither of us have ever gone there before... and have never gone on a vacation that far away or for that long - 5 nights 6 days! Then when we return we will try and get into a real house and then soon after that, we'll start the family! :)


Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed our roller coaster story!

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Zombie Kela

Hey There,

It seems like I've gone up and over a hazy mountain today. Woke up super groggy and off... so I slept in a bit and then got up - took a shower, made coffee and bagel (my morning tradition) and tried to wake up. Then I got a migraine - so I guess I wasn't just tired - it was a migraine in waiting! Got that to go away about 11-11:30am.... and have just been fuzzy since. It's girl time, so I'm icky feeling in general!

Last night I made Ryan a special meal - cause he worked a lot of OT the last two days and I wanted to give him a special night just for him. Made Pork Chops... something not only have I never made - but something niether of us had had in a long time! Nasty canned green beans (fav of ryans), and Long Grain Wild Rice. All things Ryan has been talking about missing lately. Ryan and I both ended up happy! :D

The wedding is lingering... getting crazy. Today marks 46 days til the wedding! AHH! It's super exciting and everything, but there is still so much to do, and pay for and put together... it's getting nuts! I hope to sit down with Ryan in the next few days to actually make a list of things that still need to be done, paid for, timeline... ect so we are on top of everything... then I'll bore the rest of you with the horrifying details. ;)

I was also seriously concidering posting the story of Ry and I's engagement - as Laura did, because it was so much fun to read hers! My story is a different kind of proposal - but it's SO Ryan! HA HA HA!

Leaving for Seattle on Thursday - the last of my business trips for a while (hopefully!) - its just too much stress with the costs and time away - especially with the wedding so close! I'm out a lot of money until the 25th (business expenses are paid once a month and my last trip happend a few days after the last pay period on that... so I'm a little screwed right this second... but soon it will be over and I'll get my reimbursement and all will be right again).

Went and did my first dress fitting on August 1st! I love love LOVE my dress, it makes me feel like a million dollars! I'm still too short - even though we had it hemmed 3" originally, and I got 3" heels... It's still 3-4 inches too long!!! Ahh... so hopefully we can get it all hemmed up to a good length for little ol' me! :D It was sweet and a little stressful having My mom, Ry's Mom and my best friend Melissa all there with me. Everyone wants to be helpful and part of things... but I feel like I'm leaving everyone out... or not making everyone happy.

A LOT of people seem to be talking to me like they are just waiting for me to freak out on them... so my new goal is just to try and be as mellow and calm and chill with everything I can. I don't want people to remember Ry and I'd wedding as a stressful, bitchy time... I want to be remembered as a calm, sweet bride. :) I feel like I've been fairly mellow the whole time... but obviously that isn't what is coming through in the end, so I'm going to try and take it back a notch more. :)


Thanks for reading,

Friday, August 3, 2007


Hey - Vegas went really well... not nearly as scary as I was expecting. Not to say the trip didn't have its moments (ha ha). I took lots of pictures so bare with me as I share the story! :)Here I am driving to the airport. I was a bit nervous!
The whole airport adventure was ok... I was a bit late so as I finally get through security I went up to the display screen to see if my gate had changed, nope still on the complete end of the gates. Of 32 gates I needed to get to gate 32! . Suddenly next to my flight "BOARDING" began to flash! Of course the gate I needed was on the other end of the airport at that moment. I just began to speed walk! I made it just in time, and as it was an open seating flight I had to find a seat quickly. The first seat that catches my eye had a super grumpy looking lady next to it so I kept looking. Suddenly I see a nice looking black guy and his 4-5 year old daughter. I think, "Yeah that is a nice place to sit". I ask if I can an he is very polite and inviting. Turns out his wife and his two sons were on my other side across the isle. It was like being with my family. It was a really sweet place to be. :)

I arrive to the airport and take a taxi to the hotel. Turns out I'm on the 29th of 30 floors!This is my view of Sirens Cove, the pirate boat show! (I am zoomed in a little)

Once I'm all settled in at Treasure Island I've pack up what I need to get by (no use in carting all sorts of things around unnecessarily in that heat!) I head out to tour The Venetian for our meeting area for the seminar. I go to the front and check in with them, explaining my situation, asking if I can tour the meeting room, or speak with banquets to make sure everything is ready for the following morning. The woman was less then helpful. She didn't know anything, but soon reluctantly got on the phone to find out. All I was able to get from her was that I was in room number ### (you don't need the real number) in the lower level. So I start walking, and what a distance it was! From the lobby, you walk through the casino (its a distance) past the blue man group theater, down a long hall way with lots of other hallways, down another long hallway, down an escalator, down another long hallway and down yet another long hallway... a good 7-10 minute walk! For the past 5 minutes there has been no people around, just big empty space. Once I am finally on the last hallway a huge siren begins to ring! A voice came on the loud speaker saying something like "This is the first alert system, to keep us on alert at the first moments of a possible problem, stay alert." or something equally frightening, repeating over and over, with a loud siren between them. I find the room and quickly begin making my way towards people to find out what is going on. Suddenly across one of the great hallways I see a security guard just standing there. I approach her and she doesn't even seem to notice the alarm, saying that she actually works in another adjoining casino. Ok lady, whatever! So I continue back to where I came from. As I reached the casino, the siren stopped, nothing ever really came from it.Here is the sunset heading back towards Treasure Island.

My camera phone doesn't do it justice. I head back to the hotel for a good night sleep, knowing I'd have to be up and awake and functional - quite early! I needed to be showered, dressed (nicely) and fed and caffeinated and down to the meeting room by 7:15am. That night I learned I wasn't high enough to miss the show downstairs! At around 10pm the Sirens Cove show started below me. At first it was a low rumble of small explosions and sort of a jungle-y type music. Then a big explosion and a bright flash of light outside my window. I jump up to see what it was and realize it was fire works. Luckily (ha) for me the show came every 20 minutes at least til midnight - perhaps later. Here are some sort of lame photos of the show from my room.This the the trail of smoke left after the big fireworks that went up past my window!

It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either! I did fall asleep somewhere around midnight. Got up at 6am and made the "lovely" trek. After getting in black slacks and high heels, and lugging a heavy HEAVY laptop case I walked down my hall way, down an elevator, through the casino, to the lobby, out the door, around the building, across the street, up an escalator, across an over pass, down another escalator, through the casino, to the Grand Lux Cafe to get a coffee and bagel, back across the casino, then through the whole ordeal I mentioned before (from the day before - empty halls forever!) At the second to last hallway I have to go the opposite direction to the package center and pick up a 16lbs box and try and balance that with the laptop case and a hot (burning me) cup of coffee down the last two halls. Keep in mind that even at 6:45am it was still already 86 degrees outside. I survived! :)

Here is a view of the last hallway from where I set up registration for the seminar.
Trust me! It's a distance! Registration went pretty good, very mellow, handled all the small problems that raised.

Here I am inside the Seminar.

And here is my view of the Seminar. (This is only a portion of the attendees)

When I got back to the hotel I decided to take some photos of my hotel room. Seriously the most comphy hotel bed I've ever been in!

Cute little desk area.

Cute sitting area near the floor to ceiling window.

This the the view from window from a distance back.

I thought this was Too Cool! The tray came out almost good foot! Then it can go right back into the cabinet and be hidden! I was impressed! :)

At this point I just started to relax and watch TV. Suddenly all these weather warnings that a severe thunder/lightening storm was approaching, flash flood warnings were being issued, and I was laughing. I mean look outside, does it looks stormy out there? It was at least 99 degrees outside! Suddenly as I was talking on the phone with my friend Lily and I am watching a construction crew across the street, using a giant crane to place a large piece of a building and suddenly a wind picks up and it starts spinning the piece around in the air only feet away from the building - well then it happened the piece hit the building repeatedly. Oops! After a few more minutes I get off the phone with Lily and continue peering outside. After a few more minutes I notice a big dust storm picking up down at the base of the building across the street. The dust just got bigger and darker and eventually the entire city was under a dusty hue. The storm was moving in.

Just a few minutes later!
Yet again only minutes later!
It was pretty crazy! I worried a little about the possibility of my flight being delayed the next day, but it all cleared up and there was no problems! :)

Over all I really do think it was a fun trip, I learned a lot about my job, and gained a bit more confidence! :) I really do appreciate that I get to have this sort of opportunity with my job! Not many people get to travel to fun cities and have it all paid for!

Hope you enjoyed my little scrapbook story!

Thanks for Reading,

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Free Kitten?

My parents got each other a beautiful kitten for their anniversary at the end of May. They quickly noticed it was a bit different then other kittens because it was a lot feistier. Biting people a lot, and generally being a total spaz (course that goes with about any kitten).

It’s still young, but my parents have decided that the kitten will take more time and energy then they have right now (having two specially able bulldogs already) they have choose to find it a more suitable home.

There isn’t anything medically wrong with this kitten – she is beautiful and healthy… just one feisty bugger!

We let it outside to run and play on Sunday and it was very happy! Calmed down significantly when it could run and jump and play freely. I genuinely believe that this kitten could make someone very happy – and in turn end up a very happy cat itself. Would love to go outside, and play with other cats.

If you or anyone you know is up to the challenge- please let me know ASAP! My parents are getting ready to bring it to the humane society.

Vegas Week


So Ryan and I are going on a date tonight! :) Olive garden (Cause I've been craving the breadsticks - and you just have to go like once a year at least!) I think they tend to be a bit on the salty, unhealthy, unitalian side of cooking - but it's tasty none the less! So we are both excited about that! Also we are going to go so Transformers - like a real date night - dinner and a movie!

I'm leaving for Las Vegas on Thursday - work trip. Nervous, anxious, and uninterested in Vegas it self... but it should be a great learning experience for work - so I'm excited about that! I like being indepedant and going on these trips by myself... but it's hard - I'm a home-body - I like having Ryan with me in bed each night, so that part of it is hard!

The last trip I went on - I slept like shite - just couldn't fall asleep - but when Ryan is next to me, I'm sleeping almost instantly - he can tell you! I've never had insomnia since Ryan and I have been together - except on these trips... so hopefully my sleeping will be much better then it was before... cause unlike before - I cannot over sleep or be groggy - I'm running the show this time! At least there isn't a time difference this time... should be a bit easier in the mornings! 6:30am CA time = 4:30am Dallas time! ehhh!

So wish me a lovely date night with my honey tonight! and a safe and successful trip this Thursday-Saturday!

Much Love,

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Honeymoon is booked!

So excited! My very awesome soon to be Sister-In-Law booked Ryan and I's honeymoon yesterday!

5 nights, 6 days at the beautiful Outrigger Royal Kahana - in their huge 1 bedroom ocean view room! With a separate bedroom, and full kitchen - so we can save SOME money cooking in for eachother if we want! Check it out - soooooo pretty!

A very special THANK YOU to my soon to be Parents-in-laws for giving us this gift! Thanks Dawson and Annie - you two are the best!!!

Still looking at all the neat things to do there, found this one drive that I think might be fun for Ryan and I to take -, lots of neat churches and waterfalls and of course beaches to see!

Also hoping for some dive or snorkeling experiences as I love the ocean and all it's many cool creatures! :)


Even with how exciting this all is - I am finding myself a bit down today... I don't really know why - except for many little things adding up.

I love my family and friends and Ryan and everyone so much - so please don't take anything I'm about to write as negitive towards them... i'm just feeling ultra sensitive and anxious so please just let me vent a bit.

Ryan hasn't been that pro-wedding lately - I mean I know he wants to marry me, but he doesn't want to talk about wedding stuff or plan for anything, he is getting progressively shorter with me about the topic in general... which from what I hear is totally normal - however... it's a bit more stressful this way.

So with that in mind - then I have my Mom who is basically planning and cooking EVERYTHING for the wedding - she is amazing - however we have two totally different visions I think for this special day and we are both sensitive and protective over our ideas. I feel us butting heads unnessicarily lately and it sort of sucks.

Then my sister nicki is poking at me - she has some great advise - but sometimes I think she forgets that just because I'm being over dramatic about something or upset about something - doesn't mean I am not aware that I am acting this way. When you are being hormonal and stupid - the last thing you really want to hear is that your being hormonal and stupid - however true it is. Of course she said no such thing, but her tone suggested I was being silly and should be aware of it - which I total am. Again - I know I'm being hormonal and crazy right now, and I'm extra sensitive but I wanted to vent a little.

Then I have two stressful business trips in the next 3 weeks. One a week from today and one not the week after, but the week after that, and I know they will be fine, or perhaps something will go wrong, but that doesn't help the anxious feelings I have. This is my very first business trip that I don't have a buddy with, and while I know I'm perfectly able to do my job, I am still feeling anxious.

Then my best friend Melissa is MIA right now - probably just needing some quiet time - which I totally can relate to - but unfortunately its bad timing - cause I could really use her support right now. Keep me laughing and relaxed about my insanity.

Also my Wedding Dress has been available sine July 12th and I still haven't gotten to see it or try it on, and I really want to... but there just doesn't seem to be time for it. :( Trying to arrange for 2 people who work different schedules to go somewhere when I'm traveling so much is tricky, to say the least.

So while it's all manageable - combined together - with a splash of changed birthcontol, I'm having trouble staying focused. I've been on the verge of tears all day - and truthfully it sucks. :(

I keep telling myself - focus on the good - the honey moon, the wedding plans, the fact that the weekend is coming up, that I have a great family (both Ryans and Mine), a great honey, great friends and a great job... but I keep feelin down... so I guess I should just embrace it and move forward, huh?

Well thats about it for now, thanks for letting me vent!

Lots of Love,

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Problem with Blogger

If I sign into Blogger - it messes up my bookmarks for work. I have my book marks set on a different e-mail address then blogger will let me sign up with so when I sign on to blogger I loose my bookmarks and have to resign in to that - loosing blogger - I cannot have both. oh boy!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Tense - In a good way?

Busy day at work today - which is awesome, it's been too slow for my taste in the past weeks... but every muscle in my back, sholders, arms and neck seem to be tense. I've tried stretching and it helps, butI don't know why I'm so tense. I never actually left the office for lunch or anything - just snacked on some healthy(ish) treats here.. and kept on working.

I'm going to be going out for a walk with a co-worker shortly and that might help, fresh air, time away from the office. Plus I'm off in a hour... so I'll get to relax a bit. (besides grocery shopping, laundry and cooking ::wink:: )

Still not sure what to do for dinner tonight. Enjoying having a clean house and being able to prepare something for my honey and I each night, but money is tight as the wedding draws near - and while we are fine, Ryan and I are finding ourselves being cautious with our spendings. Plus with a clean kitchen and time to cook - I'm having trouble finding new exciting things, it all seems new and exciting - which recipes to try?

I really want to get all my mom's signature dishes down - so perhaps I can try my hands at more of those. Sort of a morbid thing - but my mom is an amazing cook - but how sad this is - she isn't going to be around forever, I cannot depend on her to create this fantasic dishes for me forever!!! Plus not to be TOO vain but I think I've got my mom's flaire for cooking more then the rest of my siblings. Not to say they aren't great cooks, just not in the way my mom is. Does that make sense?

Any suggestion for cool recipes to try?
Could be something fun to post - some of my fav. recipes!

Well that's it for this little blog - like I said - nothin fancy! ::wink::

Thanks for readin'!


Friday, July 13, 2007

Not Sure

Well hello... my future mother-in-law seemed to think I should write - somewhere and since Myspace is obviously not a temple for thoughts and open minded calmness - I thought I'd try a less obvious location for posting my thoughts.

I'm the kind of person who second guesses themselves a lot - why post online... what would I hope to achieve posting my thoughts on a vessel so pact full of thoughts already? Who knows but I am a writer - its something I genuinely love to do, and I believe even if it's just for me. I should post. If some one reads, cool. If someone enjoys reading, then great!

When I was younger I used to write 10 plus pages a day in a journal - always something on my mind - usually negative... I was an introvert for sure... constantly stuck within my own mind, unsure how the real world functioned within the insanity - therefore believing I was the only one who felt that way. Ha... funny how things change. I can't even tell you when things changed for me, but at some point they did. I still over analyze things a bit much, and think far too much inside... but now I also think a lot outside and am actually quite comfortable in my own skin. I realize and appreciate that some things are just Kela. :)

I miss the writing everyday, but I don't miss is the sadness I believe all there to be. I've been working on a novel about my times dealing with and getting over this feeling, it's an odd thing. Writing something so raw and close to something you personally had gone through. I really genuinely believe it will help me grow even more expressing these thoughts, and hell I might even help other teenage girls in the same situation. Sort of comforting, that. ;)

I could probably still write everyday - but it wouldn't mean anything to anyone but me, just thoughts, but see as I've aged I get impatient with my handwriting - its too slow. The internet is to open... some thoughts are just that - thoughts and don't need to be publicly written.