Friday, July 13, 2007

Not Sure

Well hello... my future mother-in-law seemed to think I should write - somewhere and since Myspace is obviously not a temple for thoughts and open minded calmness - I thought I'd try a less obvious location for posting my thoughts.

I'm the kind of person who second guesses themselves a lot - why post online... what would I hope to achieve posting my thoughts on a vessel so pact full of thoughts already? Who knows but I am a writer - its something I genuinely love to do, and I believe even if it's just for me. I should post. If some one reads, cool. If someone enjoys reading, then great!

When I was younger I used to write 10 plus pages a day in a journal - always something on my mind - usually negative... I was an introvert for sure... constantly stuck within my own mind, unsure how the real world functioned within the insanity - therefore believing I was the only one who felt that way. Ha... funny how things change. I can't even tell you when things changed for me, but at some point they did. I still over analyze things a bit much, and think far too much inside... but now I also think a lot outside and am actually quite comfortable in my own skin. I realize and appreciate that some things are just Kela. :)

I miss the writing everyday, but I don't miss is the sadness I believe all there to be. I've been working on a novel about my times dealing with and getting over this feeling, it's an odd thing. Writing something so raw and close to something you personally had gone through. I really genuinely believe it will help me grow even more expressing these thoughts, and hell I might even help other teenage girls in the same situation. Sort of comforting, that. ;)

I could probably still write everyday - but it wouldn't mean anything to anyone but me, just thoughts, but see as I've aged I get impatient with my handwriting - its too slow. The internet is to open... some thoughts are just that - thoughts and don't need to be publicly written.

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