Hey All,
I know its been a while, but I've been soul searching. The whole economic system is crashing down, and more then a few people I know are currently unemployed and hunting for anything and everything that they can. I have friends going to school to do something important and others who've found what they were looking for and are in a safe and encouraging jobs. Yet I sit at home, cleaning, pondering, watching Roseanne reruns and wishing that my future career would just happen already. Yes I realize that careers don't JUST happen... you have to make them happen... but how? How is it when it feels right to your head, its not right for the economy? Or the other way around.
I've always known I wanted to do something creative and freeing from a regular office job, to be able to create and dream a career and watch it take shape, to work hard and get myself dirty making my dreams happen. Now I feel like I'm ready for this, but there are no jobs, especially fun creative ones, everyone is scared and holding out for a better future... how can I wait and hold out for something better - when I'm ready now? The idea of settling terrifies me... I think "Well I'm young, I've got plenty of time, why not just go and get whatever nice office job you can find for now... and down the road you can tackle this dream of yours?" but then I flash forward in my head and I'm suddenly 45 and working at some stupid office job as a temp and wanting to jump of the golden gate bridge! That kind of job has been slowing breaking me down for years and I know that its in my soul and my hearts best interest to reach for the stars and try and get what I've always wanted.
I feel like I'd be settling, giving up on my dreams and it scares me to think what that might do to me over time, down the road. I guess I'm a wanna-be optimist, thinking that if you want something enough, or believe something better can happen - then it will. Yet everyone I talk to says that I'm being silly and should just get what I can job wise - everyone's unemployed - its not a time to be picky. I've been out of work without looking for just over 2 months now, haven't looked for a job at all and I know I'm losing what motivation I have left on the idea of going back to an office job. I guess there was a part of me that believed that everything would fall into place if I was sure it was what I wanted... but life is never that easy... why would I think it would be this time? Would I want it to be? Isn't the struggle what makes it all worth while?
I have always struggled with "what would I want to do if I could do anything?" I am afraid that I'll commit to something, and find that I hate it once I get there. Or I just think that those types of dreams are silly and I should just have a stable job and start my family and call it my life. Then I remember or rather shout at myself in my head that I wont ever be successful (in my mind) doing that kind of work, it isn't me. I am a super crazy passionate person who loves to do anything creative, but in the world of taxes, and supreme courts and war, is there room for a free spirited art freak?
So after contemplating on it for a while, I came up with furniture refinishing. It seemed like the ideal job for me, its something I have a nature talent for - having refinished a few pieces already with no instruction or guidance, I'm a trial by error kind of girl and so far so good. I know a few people interested in me doing pieces for them, and it seemed like the ideal thing. I have a friend who is a contractor and recently unemployed - I was going to ask him if he wanted to try and start this business with me, start small out of our garages and make peoples dreams come true on wood, just a little elbow grease and polyurethane! lol! I haven't been able to talk to that friend yet, but I have talked to a few other people I know in the business and the results were less then encouraging. Its a hard time to get into something as luxurious as that. People cant pay rent or buy their groceries and I want to ask them to pay me to fix up their grandmas antique dresser? It was a great idea... but again this damn economy screws everything up.
I still want to believe that anything is possible and if I reach for my dreams that things will happen eventually... but then my fear takes over and I start to doubt myself, what if I'm not good enough at anything to ever have a sucessful job? What if I'm never safe enough in my career to have my family? I had always wanted to have my first baby by 25... and my 25th birthday was in December... and as you may have guessed - I'm not pregnant. LOL. I've actually made my peace with that... later is fine... not MUCH later... but a bit later... what scares me is that I don't have a plan. There isn't anything set in stone yet, except I'm married to Ryan the love of my life and we have a nice home. I spend my days cleaning the house, planning dinners and over obsessing about my future and my options, or lack there of.
I'm not really sure the point of this blog except that I had a lot on my mind, and it had been a long time since I wrote - so I thought I'd fill y'all in. I just have to try and stay positive and remember that every step in life has its purpose, every moment leads to the next and everything happens for a reason...
One last thing, when I've spoken to my family about these problems of mine, they have all said the same thing - and its something I've thought of all the while myself. Just wanted that to be clear so I don't get 6 comments telling me the same thing. Ha ha ha! I know I can always get a regular office job, and continue to build my portfolio on furniture redesign on the side... but I just fear that I'll loose my sight on what I want to do, and end up settling - because its easier or because I get pregant or whatever, then I'll never do it. That freaks me out. I know that the fact that that freaks me out says that I'll probably stay focused on it and come back later, but what if I dont? Or worse yet, what if I can't find a regular office job??? Scariness.
Well lets end on a happy note, shall we? I know that aren't a lot of people out there who read my blog, but if you know of anyone in the furniture business here in Sonoma County, CA who might be interested in a hard working, insanely passionate, eager to learn furniture refinisher, you just give them my address or let me know! I'm even willing to work on something else, either office or whatever if the people are genuine, I feel like so many office people are fake and manipulating. I just want to be confortable and be myself, somewhere where I can work hard and continue to grow as a person... and as an artist... whatever form of art that takes.
Let me know and WISH ME LUCK!
Lots of Love,
Kela
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5 comments:
Why don't you try going to a consignment furniture shop and seeing if they get anything in that you can fix up and then re-sell to them? Or go find free/goodwill/salvation army furniture and fix it up and sell it?
Jason and I went to a discount furniture store and purchased a new entry way table but we saw lots of used furniture stores... you can maybe sell them cool stuff, or sell on your own through craigs list.
:)
I will love & support you no matter what path you choose. A happy kela is the only kela I want to see :-)
I will point out though, while pregnant ladies shouldn't inhale toxic refinishing fumes, there is no studies (yet) on the effects of office duchebags on unborn fetuses ;-)
I think it's helps to be positive whenever possible. Instead of saying "the economy is crashing down" and "there are no fun jobs" tell yourself the opposite.
Because the vast majority of people still have jobs and tons of companies are still doing very well; our company, the one Ry works for, Jason's company had the best December ever last month and Dawson's company had the best year they've ever had too and they've been around for 40 years or so.
So the economy is not doing well for some but for others it's doing very well. This isn't new; this happens all the time. When the dot coms busted in the early part of this decade, it really wasn't a good idea to go into a startup dot com, right? Right now you don't want to be in a luxury industry or anything to do with investing money; this isn't that kind of economy but furniture isn't exactly a luxury item and people will be buying more used items in the next few years than before. In fact, used stores of all kinds are probably going to be booming again like they did in the 80's. A *ton* of people made a lot of money back then off having used shops. People made money during the depression, too; you just have to know how to market and apply yourself.
Economies have always boomed and fallen and changed direction and boomed again. The trick is to find the direction that will make YOU happy and successful and if things start to change, why, get out and start again.
Your attitude has a lot to do with your success; this will be true whether you get a temporary job or start your own business. Ya gotta be confident! :) Get out there and start talking to people!
See if your friend might be interested in starting up a used store right now; commercial rent is probably at an all-time low; I see signs everywhere. You could browse Craig's list and pick up items for next-to-nothing, then fix them up and sell them in the store. Just an idea.
Or if you do look for a job-job, look only for something that supports an industry you enjoy and not just an office job where you don't care about the product.
I have faith in YOU! :)
Kellie,
Whoever the hell Annie is... please.. for the love of whatever you believe in... do not listen to this persons first few sentances.
Yes the world has always been doing the same thing, however many years it has taken to rise and to fall, we don't even know if we have hit the bottom yet but the point in me being against what that person is saying is the very reason that many office jobs are so GODDAMN terrible.
Fake Optimism.
People so often force themselves to be happy by thinking that everything will be ok, everything is ok, everything has always been ok.. Then once they've tricked themselves into thinking the world is just as happy go lucky as they want it to be, they try to convince others to believe exactly what they believe.
We've grown up children of the 'what if'. You know that. We can never let it go.
I'm sorry but I will be optimistic when I feel that there is something to be optimistic about. And I will NOT lie to myself, saying that everything will be just fine if I hold out for a bit longer. Nothing has ever been just fine but everyone has gotten through it.. some had more of a struggle(You know who I am talking about, Kellie). Instaed of saying that you should do what everyone else does, I will take Annie's advice and finish up by saying the opposite. Go rent yourself some movies that coincide with our era, our outlooks on the world. 'Pump up the Volume' is one example, another would be 'Accepted'. Find and be bolstered by the inspiration provided by some of your favorite movies. It won't get much done but at least it will be the drug that makes you happier for the time being..
I'm sorry.
Tyler
Tyler, dude, relax. I'm Kela's mother-in-law and I adore her.
And I never said for her to pretend anything or have "fake optimism", sheesh. Looking at the positive aspects of life doesn't mean compromising your soul.
Besides, Kela's extremely bright and talented and she will do what she thinks is best for her life regardless of what anyone else says.
Chill. :)
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